orange_sadona

     I have 3 more days before I find out if that clot cleared and if they can now do the ablation.  I am trying to stay calm, and optimistic, but optimism is harder to come buy when I know they had already tried this once and it did not work out.  Part of me wants to go into it like I did the last time with excitement about how much better I will do after the ablation, but another part of me keeps whispering in my head, " It did not work the first time what makes you think it will work now?" 
    I am a big believer in everything happening for a reason.  Could be they found the clot to stop the ablation, because if they had not it could have been knocked loose during the ablation and maybe killed me on the table.  A small voice inside of me keeps whispering maybe it is just the universe messing with you.
     Want to know what is crazy?  With all this about to happen the main thing my brain keeps obsessing about is a movie that is going to be on tv for the first time that night.   I really want to see it, but even if all goes perfect and the clot is gone and the ablation happens and I get sent home the same day. I will probably get out of there too late to watch it. Even if I am near a tv when it is time for it to come on, who's to say I will not fall asleep during the movie because of all the stress that at that point should be letting go.
    I got a busy couple days in front of me. Everything I have seen on line says I will not be able to do any lifting for a couple weeks, so before I go in I need to make sure all my laundry his done and that the house is clean.  I am really frightened to be alone at home the first night after they do it IF they can do it.  I hope they keep me in the hospital for the first night at least. That way if anything goes wrong they will be there to fix it.  I really hate blood thinners, but with afib they are needed.  I guess it is all in the lords hands now. I just hope he sees fit to make me well.